Journey in the most southern part of the world!

I don't know how long I've been here. Seem like an eternity. I barely remember how I got here. But, thinking hard about it, I do remember it. The water constantly beating over me. Swallowing me whole, pushing me further and further up the beach. Nay, the beach is not a correct term at all. It started with razor sharp rocks. On them I was bouncing, rolling and floating around. Each wave pushing me further and further towards my doom. But the end never seemed to come. I wished for it to come though. I never thought I would live to the day when I wished myself dead. But then I did. It felt like the final breath of air would go out of me at every big hit against the rocks. But it never did. Why, oh why, did I end up here? How did I end up here? Those were the only thoughts going through my mind. Over and over again. Every wave got me back thinking of the same thing. Why? But those razor sharp rocks are since long gone now. I did, in some miraculous way, live through those disastrous moments. Moments which felt like days. It could just as well have been days. It never seemed to end. But for every wave, every frenzy of water that came over me, a little further away from danger I felt I got. Slowly. It did not feel fast enough though. But after the razor sharp rocks, it went easier. But believe me when I say; it was anything but easy. But after the rocks every cascade of mountainous amount of water seem easier. I got further away from the most dangerous parts I've yet lived to see by an inch at the time. From razor sharp rocks, to just rocks. After the rocks there were pebbles, no more hurtful than a small fall with each wave. Thereafter the fine sand came. That's when I knew I would survive. Then just with a gentle push I was on the grassy lands above the sand. What I can't remember is however how long I've really lived through those moments nor how long I've now been here in, what seem to be, safety. I can't seem to remember how long I've been here no matter how much I try. Now relaxing, not worrying about those rocks, the water or anything really, here in the perfectly soft grass. It must have taken me ages reaching this exact spot. But at the same time, it feels like everything happened yesterday. All seem blurred. It can't be that long ago. Can it? When did I eat, drink or even sleep the last time? Have I ever? I can't remember. It is all too blurry. Maybe those rocks really gave me a toll greater than I thought they did? How did I end up here?

It didn't start here did it? I know it can't have done. It wouldn't make sense. No ones life start like that. But then again. Laying here, cold and alone, in what seem to be the middle of nowhere, what does make sense? No, it must have started before the rocks, before the water. Before...

I do remember. Vaguely...

I have a feeling I wasn't born like most others. I've heard about love, living and so much other joys that even from the start, my life must have been everything else but those things. I have only but a few memories of happiness. I can't explain why I remember what I am to tell you, but I feel it might be important, so I must go on with these memories. Maybe it will help me as well to remember why I am here? I was born in the same way as many others alike myself. A lot of noise, and a lot of beings, giants, running all around me. I remember steam and machines. I remember bright buttons and I remember a giant embracing me with my first eyes opened. My first moments I also remember I was gasping for air. I felt like I was filled with nothing but a vacuum. I couldn't move. I couldn't see straight. I couldn't feel. One of the giants next to me must have realized my distress and immediately, how I do not yet to this day understand, filled me with air. That was the first time I sincerely felt happy. I didn't care how and I did never really reflect over it much since. I had felt air for the first time. I was truly alive. All I had known until then was gasping for air. Panic and stress. Now time felt to slow down, I was calmed by the first breath. It gave me time to look around, slowly and steady. Really using my eyes for the first time. There were many like me. We were very different from the others that helped us with our breathing. I could not even try to explain the difference. We newly brought into this world looked a lot more like small beings compared to these long skinny giants helping us all drawing our first breaths. It was not only me expressing joys and happiness around me. It was, one could think, a time of joy. A moment of absolute happiness when you and all of your kind could share one and the same special moment.

But little did we know. It didn't take long until we all, as if we all saw it in the same moment, could see what was before us. One by one we were taken away from our creators, I've overheard this might have also been our mothers. We were taken away from the warmth and security, lashed with a leash that forever would keep us in line. Like an animal. Why would you need that? I have not even figured out how to move properly yet. But I was leashed. What could we possibly have done already in our lives to get ripped apart from the one that gave birth to us? What could we possibly have done in order not to be granted just but a few more moments here? What do we know about the world? What danger could we possibly inflict on anyone? We were newborns. I didn't even have time to see if I could move by myself. The leash gave me a sense that I should, but I couldn't. By what right did they have to doom my life already now?

We were all pushed into cramped compartments. Scared to death and unable to communicate. A loud bang was heard and the compartment went dark. The wonderful first lights that I saw. That we all first saw. Were all gone. It was so dark it was impossible to tell right from left and top from bottom. Were we just cramped or on top of each other. It wouldn't make sense having someone under me. But the compartment was so cramped it was impossible to know for sure. But what sense did this moment make anyways? It all went so quickly. I didn't even get to say good bye. My heart was broken. I didn't know it already then, that I had one. But I do know it know when I think back upon those first moments. The pieces of my heart was left behind me at that very moment.

Here my memory fails me. I cannot, how much I so try to recall, remember if I already could communicate with my fellow captives or if we all were so devastated about the last five minutes, even maybe afraid what was going to happen, that none of us spoke a word. Ironically the last five minutes were also our first five minutes on this earth. We all trembled where we were. I could feel it. But we didn't speak. None of us spoke or did even a sound. Like I said. I can't remember if it was that we just couldn't or we didn't. But thinking back of it, it always gives me a sense of pride. We stood together, quiet, brave. We all must have expected the worst, even though there was no possible way of knowing anything at all during the time, newly born as we were. But it makes me proud thinking about it.

Those giants throwing us into that cramped, crowded compartment was nothing like us. We were innocent, soft and should have been happy. If they let us. These giants thought nothing of us. Like we were nothing worth. Like we were delivered in some kind of meaning just for them and not in the slightest for us. They were nothing like us. They didn't care. They robbed us from our creators. They looked so apathetic about the whole process. Like it was nothing out of the ordinary. Or even like this was an every day process for them... they were no giants - They were monsters!

How long were we in that darkness? I never was good at telling time. That has never been a strong side of mine. I can feel it now again. I wish I could sense how long time has passed, how to prepare for something and be ready in time, to tell what the time is by just knowing it. I don't. I never had. That first, dark time in my life is, just like now after those rocks, a blur, I could never remember how long time it was. It's like time stops when I find myself alone. It could have been five minutes. It could have been months. I still don't remember much from that first darkness. I still can't remember the amount of times I nearly did get punctured by a rock sharp as a knife nor how long time passed since. Some can't seem to get any direction right, I have problems with time. Directions were never a problem...

Before I got to this coastline, before I almost died upon getting ashore. I swam east. I know it, because the sun were where it was at the time. And after getting that leash loose from me I started swimming. I was pretty sure that when the boat threw me over the side, and with the long leash attached to all that metal junk that I was doomed for. I didn't even care. I was ready for it. I was done. I was glad to finally be gone from this life of constantly being thrown from one place to another. Those monsters constantly dictating every move of mine with an iron grasp and a leash. I still feel the salt water taste when I think about the moment I was thrown over board. For some strange reason, I counted seconds. I couldn't think of anything else to do. The only thing I knew I could not do, was the only thing that my mind wanted to do. I counted seconds. Tried keeping track on time. Well. To be honest. I also wanted to be free of course. But in this moment, keeping track on time seemed more reasonable than surviving. How many seconds would it take until I was fully submerged and eventually drowned?

I am no master of counting. I am no expert of time as you might have understood. But when I've counted as far as three hundred and fifty three I got confused. Either I was terribly wrong in my time perspective, which is likely, or I was not being pulled down to the murky bottoms of below. Either way, and I didn't dare not hoping for the best case, I started with all my power to swim. I swam for all I was worth. I could feel that the leash was not around my neck anymore. This is the second most beautiful memory I have. That feeling of getting loose. Being free. At times it felt like I was surfing on the waves. That was how much I was trying to get away. East. All I could think of was east and remain free! Never again were I to be a slave or victim of these monsters. I never been at sea and I had no idea were I was going. But the boat had been going west and all I could think of was going as far away from them monsters as possible. East, east and then further east. When the waves grew bigger I swam faster and when the ocean was calm I rested. If the ocean needed rest so did I.

That's when I saw land. It did take considerable amount of time to get there. Even for me with absolute no sense of time. Even I could say; Yeah. That took a lot longer than expected. But I made it. That was easy once I realized I was free. It was a lot of swimming but the waves more or less brought me here. They seem to have had the same wish, to get away from the boat. To be free. To live their own life. So did I.

And here I am... But there must be more. Think! Think now! It is like my head is filled with nothing but just air. That first breath that made me love air seem also to have clouded my mind. Or it is just now perhaps, exhausted and free, that make me unable to really sort my mind? I don't have to think about breaking free for the first time in my life. To be truly alive. I've made it. Now I have to straighten my thoughts. Get my ball of an head to operate in ways not only making plans for escape. Think! Remember!

... I remember now. The moment the dark and crowded space opened, I was the first to try to break free. I always wanted to be free. That was the only thing keeping me sane in those dark hours. I must have made a run for it. Trying already then to be free. Be for myself. Make it on my own. Create my own path. But even in this memory, as all my memories, the same monsters stood and almost like they expected my attempt to break free, I landed in the fathom of one of them. I was devastated. Never would I have expected anyone to be so quick and so strong as to keep me at bay. It was my first attempt of ever moving by myself. It was much harder than expected. It felt like a blink of an eye before I was thrown into that blue boat that would soon take me out to my faith. But why? What had I ever done? What would I ever tend to do during my life to be treated and handled in such a way? How could I already as early as this be doomed to such a faith? Was it really me? Could it have been a mistake? Could there been someone else they really were after? Could it perhaps been my mother that sent me to my doom? But I was not alone in the boat. More of us was sitting there. Cold. Alone. Why would so many mothers send their offsprings to their end? It made no sense. I had to shake those thoughts. My own mother, my creator would never have allowed such a thing. Would she? Even though we had numbers over these monsters we all felt alone. We still couldn't do anything. The leash we were provided, the only gift at birth we would ever see, kept us closely tight to the railing. There was absolutely nothing we could've done otherwise. What could we have done? How during this moment were we ever to outsmart these monsters? I've tried already. They anticipated that move. They would probably have known about further attempts well before we would make a plan. We were just a couple of infants ready to be thrown overboard to a dark and gloomy doom. My throat were thick, as if I would break down and cry. I tried to scream. But nothing. Not a single noise came. I couldn't even make those tears become reality in order to clear my throat. Not even crying was I capable of. One after one we were thrown overboard. To my horror I was the last of us. I had to see all my fellow prisoners one by one go over the railing.

But... this was not long ago.... or was it? How long were I in that dark place? Or how long were I swimming? How long were I really crashed upon those rocks? The boat ride didn't seem to take that long. I can't have been here on this island for such a long time? I know my sense of time not always adds up. But something seem out of order here. Think! There must be more memories! Something forgotten, or lost, or how many more memories have I still to recover from deep inside? I could not possibly have swum all this way as a newly born. Or even as a few months old. It just don't make any sense...

"Oh, mother why did you give birth to me at all? Why did you want me to endure what I have? Why would anyone want to give life, if this is life? Why oh why?"

Wait. I here something. A faint roar. No, it is no roar. It reminds me of that monotonous sound from that boat. But higher. And there it is comes again. Closer this time. I am not alone. I am not safe here. Will I ever be safe? I was so sure I've made it. Why can't they just leave me alone? And now, what is that sound? Stones stirring behind me? I'm too tired to move. What is that? No. No. No. here they come! I'm still too sore and tired from the landing on this forsaken shore to move. What could I have done for just a small amount of more time. Alone. Catching my breath. Resting. Gaining back my strength. Being free. They are soon upon me. They are not the same monsters as before, but they are still monsters. I can see it in the way they look at me. They are all monsters. I am once again doomed to meet my faith. What have I ever done to even deserve half of what my, as it seem, short life endured? How long time before I'm back in a leash and sent to the bottom of the seas? To what purpose? It is, like it is not even my life I am living, but part of theirs...

"Way too go Anton! Get that buoy down here and let's get going for the next one. I saw one by the next bay!" yelled a boy in a beaver hat from a dinghy to the other boy, fully dressed in red as he picked up an orange buoy.

Starting a journey down here is always exciting. What will we encounter this time?

One of the most southern Glaciers in the world (Taking Antartica out of the "world" that is....)

And getting there is not always so easy....

Wow.... got a little carried away there for a moment. But hey, at least you had something to read. Not every day these entries gets posted anyways. You might have had a good time so I don't worry too much about it. Let's get on. Shall we?

We were headed out again. Cape Horn and beyond was already done (something I now realize I haven't written about.... gah!) but we've heard stories about "fake Cape Horn". A Horn we've never heard about before. We are still stuck. So what would be better than trying that one out as well. But getting there would take us where pretty much no other sailboat ever traveled. But as Igor (the captain of SV Kotik) got a good relationship to the port captain and the fact that everyone is truly stuck here we got the permission to go. On SV Kotik. So we did. We were accompanied by two others as well. Two other persons with a lot of information about earlier explorers in those waters. We could easily say that the sailing was in the foot steps of Cook, Darwin, Romanche and a lot of others. We've done some serious exploring after known locations used by these early explorers, as well as some native Indian pathways. But really, what we've been doing is hunting beavers, fishing and getting hold of abandoned buoys.

Yeah, These are the Buoys that inspired the starting text. We've found a bunch of them!

Anton feeling thoughtful or just tired from always walking up hill down here?

Just a small little meal in the middle of nowhere... Not even close to all the Trout that were fished during this trip...

Fishing down here is terrible. It is incredibly hard not catching trout. Even when trying to not get something to take beautiful photos of you seem to get it anyways. Not the photos. Trouts. Salmon. Yeah. And more fish. Then fish. And more fish. And then a fish more. Carrying a net didn't do it less difficult either. We ate some fish as well. And caught fish. A lot of fish. Did I mention fish?

Beavers are a real pesticide down here. Spreading like a decease and ruining the landscape. Another type of virus spreading like corona. "Jahopp" I said and went to get myself a hunters license in Chile. And bought myself a compound bow as getting weapon license seem more complicated. Bows are not really licensed down here (wonder how it is elsewhere?). And as quick as that the first pelts are trying to be salted and all kinds of magical stuff.... new beaver hat is in the making. Don't think, or really hope, it will be needed though...

Buoys, a lot of them as well. As you might have seen. Probably old fishing buoys used in the fisheries that got loose and washed up to shore. Or escaped perhaps....? From where is a big mystery though....

There are a lot of "known" Indian locations around these parts. Reading about where potential indian passages have been and tried them out. But we were there while the others found out at least. Good on them! Like true archaeological stuff, Indiana Jones without the Nazi action and perhaps not with any treasures. Maybe nothing like Indiana Jones then. But. Ehm. Well... Still!

We also did some boat work... Think about being able to do that! The dream!

Yeah, These little dolphins seem to come as soon as we hit the pacific side of Chile. Super Curious creatures.

And then these guys as well... Not as Curious.

But hell, we were Curious of them though!

Yeah, Survived. Not cold at all. Glad to be back on the boat though!

We also had a scientific mission. What it really was I really don't understand and did not really participate more than being on the same boat while the others did some amazingly high tech fine tuning of some equipment that later were placed at a specific place at a specific time doing some specific readings. Good we were there to oversee the project. Wouldn't have worked otherwise. Maybe. Ehh. Moving on.

The trip has been amazing with some incredible windy days, a lot of rain and some amazingly sunny and warm days. Spring finally upon us? I really hope so.

We are now, finally, fixing our eyes on where to go next. We are doing some final preparations. Ordering food, scraping the hull (in super cold water I may add!), sorting stuff on board, figuring out a way of carrying 1000 litres of diesel. Yeah. Same old same old but with a lot more to figure out as nothing here really is obtainable and most things is in need to order from somewhere else. In best case. We'll get it done somehow. We always do. Just need to figure it out first. We hope our departure will be around the 1st of December. From then I hope we'll arrive in Valdivia, still Chile, within 3 months....